My chains are gone, I am set free

"All happy families resemble one another"

2011-11-29T19:52:00.000-08:00

I am so glad that I am a part of 2 large, happy families. When I was younger I was afraid that when I got married having 2 families of equal importance would be difficult. Now that I'm married, I've found that while it's busy, it is wonderful!

I am so grateful to have 2 sets of parents who get along, a true phenomenon in my personal experience. I am so glad that Chris and I got to spend Thanksgiving at my parents's house with my grandparents, grandma, great grandma, great aunt, uncle, aunt, and cousins, as well as Chris' parents and siblings (read: siblings that currently reside on the same part of the planet that the rest of us do). It was so much fun, and my dad and Leo Tolstoy said it well-- Happy families resemble one another.

Chris's family and my family have this in common: We all love Jesus. Our families are very different (aside from our employment of sarcasm--it's really overworked), there is no getting around that. We have lengthy discussions on how different our families are and could make long lists of pros and cons, but we love them both the same. Neither is better or worse, they are both different and they are both good and they are both trying their best to show the Love of Jesus to the world through the redeemed relationships they hold. I love it.

Naturally, this has led into conversations that resemble topics such as "What will our family be like?" And as of right now, we still have no idea. We know for certain that it will not be quiet. There is no quiet option, really; there never was nor will there ever be. And we're pretty certain that many things we be destroyed, fixed, replaced, and destroyed again. But we have decided that one thing will most certainly be true: above all else, our family will know what is important and focus on that above all else. What is important? Jesus--they chief end of man--glorifying Him and enjoying Him forever. We will do that in our family as well as we can. And I pray that our family will help show others how to achieve that chief end as well.

Some day I will expand this topic of family into adoption. It's a topic that defines my relationship with Jesus, helped me understand the Love of God, and hopefully some day will begin a relationship with some wonderful children my parents are praying for. I start to tear up thinking about the possibility of these children and pray that some day I may be able to help a child understand how much God loves them, something that was (is) hard for me to grasp, by recounting their own history. I may also expand this topic into the very broad topic of children in general some day.

For now, though, I need to stop. If I don't, I'll write for hours and neglect the bible study sections I must complete before Thursday morning. Writing is good, reading and studying is better. I must learn to choose the better option. Oh how philosophical of me..

a hazard to myself

2011-09-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

I injure myself. Often. Most days, I don't realize it until I put lotion on my legs and realize I have a large bruise on the side of my calf or look down at my pinky toe and realize that when I stubbed it 20 minutes ago, it drew blood. I can deal with these things. It's my recent proclivity toward removing portions of my digits in kitchen settings that bothers me.

Two years ago I sliced my right pointer finger open on a removable bin at Sonic. I got 2 stitches and had my first and only experience with prescription strength pain killers. Seven months ago I shaved the skin of the second knuckle of the aforementioned digit almost cleanly off with a cheese grater. I passed out, went to school an hour later with a throbbing hand, and taught with a bandage and splint on my finger for 2.5 weeks. This morning (while caring for 2 children which are not mine), I sliced through half of my left thumb nail with a large knife while chopping onions. I -nearly- passed out and would have gone to get stitches if they could put stitches through a fingernail.

I must also mention, though, my literal hero in all three of these events--my husband. Two years ago with the first nearly deadly injury, he happened to be stopping by Sonic to get a midnight refill of Dr. Pepper, only to leave with large amounts of my blood literally on his hands. Seven months ago, I woke him up from a sound sleep with blood dripping down my arm and 30 second later passed out on top of him. Today, I calmly called him away from playing Lego Starwars with an impassioned six-year-old to figure out what to do with a spliced nail-bed. Today is probably the first day of my life I can honestly say "I'm so glad that my husband works nights."

So, by the time I'm 40, the likelihood of me having 10 fingers is at about 75%. It's almost just as likely that my pinky toes will no longer be attached to my foot, and if they are they will almost certainly be much shorter than they currently are. I just hope that I never have to experience any of the amputations without my personal EMT.

P.S. While there are many tasks that were more difficult to do without a working right index finger, there are many more that are nearly impossible to perform without the use of a thumb: zipping a ziplock bag, putting hair up in a pony tail, buttoning and unbuttoning things, washing hair, opening jars, opening doors, and last but not least, texting. I now know why animals not having opposable thumbs is such a big deal.

and something's breaking up, i feel like giving up...

2011-09-13T17:59:00.000-07:00

Watching Gossip Girl—a show I in no way endorse but am nevertheless hooked on for at least the near future—and White Collar—a show I do endorse and am also hooked on but I'm slightly less obsessed with it because I can only watch when my husband is home—has taught me one thing-- I am tenacious. [Tenacious: not readily letting go of, giving up, or separating from an object, a position, or a principle that one holds; synonyms: firm, tight, fast clinging, strong, forceful, powerful, unshakeable, immovable] This characteristic in myself is not quite as obvious to me as it is in some of my siblings (namely the one who used to wrestle everyone until she was incapacitated with injury) but it is there in my heart and often makes my head spin.

This characteristic is why I love the main character of White Collar, Neil an ex-con who risks his freedom and often his life to find the only woman he's ever loved. This characteristic is also, however, why I hate every on Gossip Girl, because they are entirely opposite in their attempts at love. Why do I watch Gossip Girl then? Because I am also an eternal optimist. Now, in my own life I have found a few areas in which (for the ease of existence) I have begun to be more realistic and set more attainable expectations of others in my own mind. Nevertheless, it still bothers me to no end when I hear "I love you, but neither of us can change so we're doomed to an existence of being with others yet always keeping this emotional affair alive." Bleck. Gross. *Cue screams at the computer screen* I keep watching the show because my inner optimist says "No! They'll figure it out! I must rejoice with them when they do!"

How has my optimist treated me? Well, so far I'm halfway through Season 2 and I'm flying through episodes faster and faster keeping myself busy with cooking and cleaning and grading in the process so I don't throw my computer out the window at the end of one of these episodes. There are only 2 people—one couple for the time being—that seem to get the "We can make the fact that we're both from different worlds work if we actually work at it." And that's where my tenacity is at an impasse. I am so blessed to be married to a man who understand that love takes work, yet we both had to decide "Are we holding on in vain, or is this worth it?" It worked out well for us, so I would hold that love is always worth holding onto. Yes, I am talking about emotions and romance. I'm also talking about mess—about differences and fights and unkind words. Is this true?

In my opinion, love is only true if you fight for it. Yes, that sounds like something that middle schoolers post as their "About me" on Facebook, but I mean it. Do you really love someone if you are not willing to do everything in your power to hold onto them? Sure, there are times when there needs to be a break or when it might be obvious that they don't share your feelings in the least, but often times I see people with marriages and families who are broken because they lost their will to fight. Yes, even fight with each other.

Despite what most may think, relationships need resistance in order to grow stronger. My relationship with my husband has never grown without some sort of disagreement, and our biggest steps in loving each other better have come after the most uncomfortable conversations and conflicts. I prefer the word conflict because it's more descriptive—conflict: an incompatibility between two or more opinions, principles, or interests (note, people is not mentioned). A "conflict of interests" is the perfect way to define most arguments and fights—usually you both want the same thing, but for yourself, and aren't willing to give up anything to get it. And that is what I hate.

I am a selfish, independent, and sometimes hot-headed individual, and only one thing can make me stop crying out "I'm right, you're wrong, give me what I want!" That one thing is the realization that in demanding things of others, I am doing the same thing to them that I perceive they have done to me. In times when I attempt to manipulate others to get what I want, I am doing so because I fear that they will be just like me and never give into my desires. When I threaten—with my words or actions—to withhold my favor, love, affection, or support from them in order to get what I want, I do so out of fear that they will do the same and not care. I would say that the only time I am not an eternal optimist is when I am not getting what I perceive I need.

What is it, though, that I really need? It's not that I need to be happy. Even less than that, I do not even need to be comfortable, feel safe, or affirmed by anyone else. What I need most is to be securely possessed by someone who fought for me. Sure, I have a husband who did that for a long time, and still does that. But that is not enough to fulfill my needs. As much as I love him and as much as he loves me, my husband will not always choose to fight for my affections or my needs, and he will not always get or meet them. But I can still have all I need. I will let a writer more gifted than I take this one:

Romans 8:31-39

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised— who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerers through him who loved is. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

How is it that I can still have all I need? Because the One who didn't even spare His own Son has promised to give me all things. No, not comfort, but security—not happiness, but love. He will never give up, even if the rulers of air, land, sea, and the underworld are against me, He is fighting for me. And He has made me more than a conquerer—I am His child. Do you know what happens to the children of conquering nations? They inherit everything. He has conquered all, and because I am His child, so have I.

So, what does that have to do with fighting for love? How should that inform my tenacity? It should give me hope that the love God has given me on earth is one of His "all things" and is worth being fought for. Love is one of those common graces that God allows even those who despise Him to feel and possess on some level. Fighting for love is a sweet picture of the fight God put up for the hearts of man. Its beautiful, even when eternally flawed men attempt to replicate it. And it is not something to be taken lightly. The words "I love you" should be synonymous with the words "I will always fight for you." For love is a battlefield, contrary to pop culture. It is a war waged against ourselves and for the good of others. What Would Jesus Do? He'd fight us to save us. He did—so should we.

All for love the Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love the heavens cried
For love was crucified

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angels song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all

All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You

all things new

2011-09-12T19:53:00.000-07:00

My entire life completely different from what it was the last time I posted almost a year and a half ago, and I want to blog again and do things differently. I want my blog to be a creative outlet, a place to polish my writing skills (or at least use them), and a place to share with others topics and events that are important to me. Some posts might be purely intellectual and spark debate—I welcome it! Some might be more creative and create confusion or attract criticism—I need it! And some might be simply "here's what happened today and if I had a twitter I probably would have just tweeted about this, but I hope it's funny"—I'll probably abuse this category. All posts, however, will be overflowing with ellipses, m-dashes, and parenthetical notations of various sorts—deal with it. In any case, I'm re-adding my blog to my bookmarks bar in hopes that I will talk to myself less about why Gossip Girl irritates me but I'm still going to watch it or why I'll never be in shape because I hate having to shower again after I exercise. If I become obnoxious on a topic, please tell me—you're probably the only one who reads this and I want to make sure you are mildly mentally stimulated, at the least.

Until the next time I'm waiting for my husband to get home from work...

my faith is like shifting sand..

2010-04-13T06:46:00.000-07:00

so i stand on Your grace...

Shifting Sand

Caedman's Call

Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And every day I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind

I hear it all depends on my faith
So I'm feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries
Is they're so mysterious

And like a consumer I've been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my 15 minutes of faith,
Then I'd be secure

My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

I've begged you for some proof
For my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leprous hand
And lions resting lazily

A glimpse of your back-side glory
And this soaked altar going ablaze
But you know I've seen so much
I explained it away

My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It'd been there all the time

———————————————————

Even when I think I've mastered trusting in the faithfulness of God, I look back and see how many times my faith has washed away in even the smallest disturbance. I must consistently remind myself "My faith waxes and wanes, but His grace never changes. His faithfulness always remains." My ability to have faith in His unclear plans does not dictate His faithfulness— His faithfulness is not an option, it is a truth. When I pray, "God, be faithful to...." I am not praying, asking God to choose to be faithful in stead of changing Himself—when I pray "God, be faithful to..." I'm really praying "God, open my eyes to see your faithfulness, because it probably won't look like what I expect it to." It's good that His grace even covers my imperfect prayers. It's good that God uses to chooses to prove His faithfulness in ways I have yet to imagine... Most of the time it's in ways I wouldn't even dare to imagine.

Overwhelming, overwhelming grace....

faithfulness.

2009-09-27T17:49:00.000-07:00

there are things i've always struggled with.
trust and patience. i thought i would never learn to wait on God to do something and trust that He will actually do it.

today, i was given a chance to practice trust as a reward for learning to wait. and i'm so excited to see where it goes.

did i ever tell -you- you're awesome? cuz you are.

mind blown.

(clarification pending pictures. they say more than words do)

2009-09-21T05:34:00.000-07:00

Psalm 149 : ⁴For the LORD takes pleasure in His people;
He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation.

clay jars

2009-07-31T12:51:00.000-07:00

i cleaned my room today and found half of the Jars of Clay "Furthermore" album, the live portion. this song was on here... i remember how much i loved it like 6 years ago (probably the last time i heard this song)... it's a good one.

eleventh hour:

trace the shape of my heart
'til it becomes more familiar to your eyes
i've been lost without you
cold without your love
it's taken days and nights to make me realize

rescue me from hangin' on this line
i won't give up on giving you
the chance to blow my mind
let the eleventh hour quickly pass me by
i'll find you when i think i'm out of time

take the place of my heart
'til i become a stranger to my life
i've been down without you
wrong without your love
in time will i be what you're thinking of?

rescue me from hangin' on this line
i won't give up on giving you
the chance to blow my mind
let the eleventh hour quickly pass me by
i'll find you when i think i'm out of time

i've been down without you
cold without your love
in time will i be what you're thinking of?

"i've been down without you, wrong without your love..." i am always wrong without Your love.

selah.

truth from wr. webster and david

2009-07-07T00:02:00.000-07:00

impatient: adj. "restless in desire or expectation; eagerly desirous."
patient: adj. "bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like."
fortiutde: adj. "mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously."

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD."

this is not the first time I've posted this verse on here, nor will it be the last.

we're always waiting for something. in his message on sunday, chad told us all to write down "suffer well." that is true, we should all want to suffer well. but more generally, we should all want to wait well. wait for what? what to "see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." or to wait for something more trivial.
or to wait to be able to see all the things you're waiting for as actually more trivial than waiting to see your savior... ponder that for a little while. you'll feel about this big. or smaller. but you'll definitely feel foolish.
feeling foolish before God is okay, because that means we are seeing ourselves for who we are—foolish and finite creatures in front of a God of infinite wisdom. have faith in that. feel comfort in that. because He does not see our feeble, foolish, and finite forms. He sees perfection, righteousness, and objects of infinite love because of Jesus.

i read psalm 27 when i know i need to be reminded of 1) God's grace, 2) God's faithfulness, and 3) God's promises. i read psalm 27 often.

selah.
EM

run to win

2009-04-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

1 Corinthians 9:24-25
24 Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. 25 Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.

Psalm 81

2009-04-16T06:46:00.000-07:00

13"Oh that My people would listen to Me,
That Israel would walk in My ways!
14"I would quickly subdue their enemies
And turn My hand against their adversaries.
15"Those who hate the LORD would pretend obedience to Him,
And their time of punishment would be forever.
16"But I would feed you with the finest of the wheat,
And with honey from the rock I would satisfy you."

"Lord, thank you for Your heart to bless! All you require is my trust and obedience. Your endless blessing for my simple obedience—there's no comparison!"

Selah

Psalm 71

2009-04-04T21:56:00.000-07:00

Psalm 71
Prayer of an Old Man for Deliverance.
1 In You, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
Let me never be ashamed.
2 In Your righteousness deliver me and rescue me;
Incline Your ear to me and save me.
3 Be to me a rock of habitation to which I may continually come;
You have given commandment to save me,
For You are my rock and my fortress.
4 Rescue me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked,
Out of the grasp of the wrongdoer and ruthless man,
5 For You are my hope;
O Lord GOD, You are my confidence from my youth.
6 By You I have been sustained from my birth;
You are He who took me from my mother's womb;
My praise is continually of You.
7 I have become a marvel to many,
For You are my strong refuge.
8 My mouth is filled with Your praise
And with Your glory all day long.
9 Do not cast me off in the time of old age;
Do not forsake me when my strength fails.
10 For my enemies have spoken against me;
And those who watch for my life have consulted together,
11 Saying, "God has forsaken him;
Pursue and seize him, for there is no one to deliver."
12 O God, do not be far from me;
O my God, hasten to my help!
13 Let those who are adversaries of my soul be ashamed and consumed;
Let them be covered with reproach and dishonor, who seek to injure me.
14 But as for me, I will hope continually,
And will praise You yet more and more.
15 My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness
And of Your salvation all day long;
For I do not know the sum of them.
16 I will come with the mighty deeds of the Lord GOD;
I will make mention of Your righteousness, Yours alone.
17 O God, You have taught me from my youth,
And I still declare Your wondrous deeds.
18 And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me,
Until I declare Your strength to this generation,
Your power to all who are to come.
19 For Your righteousness, O God, reaches to the heavens,
You who have done great things;
O God, who is like You?
20 You who have shown me many troubles and distresses
Will revive me again,
And will bring me up again from the depths of the earth.
21 May You increase my greatness
And turn to comfort me.
22 I will also praise You with a harp,
Even Your truth, O my God;
To You I will sing praises with the lyre,
O Holy One of Israel.
23 My lips will shout for joy when I sing praises to You;
And my soul, which You have redeemed.
24 My tongue also will utter Your righteousness all day long;
For they are ashamed, for they are humiliated who seek my hurt.

"Lord, thank you for bringing me up in You. Thank you for saving me from so many things i haven't even seen. I never want to be ashamed of You—I will continually praise You for all You have done for me... I can never even know how much that is! Thank you for Your grace that saves me, and thank you all the more for Your grace that keeps me safe in You!"

Selah...

to the One who does not allow my feet to slip...

2009-03-30T12:59:00.000-07:00

Psalm 66:16-20
16 Come and hear, all who fear God,
And I will tell of what He has done for my soul.
17 I cried to Him with my mouth,
And He was extolled with my tongue.
18 If I regard wickedness in my heart,
The Lord will not hear;
19 But certainly God has heard;
He has given heed to the voice of my prayer.
20 Blessed be God,
Who has not turned away my prayer
Nor His lovingkindness from me.

"I will praise you, because You do not take your love away when my life gets messy and difficult. You listen to my cries for help... I will tell all who will listen about Your faithfulness!"

Selah

Psalm 61

2009-03-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

1 Hear my cry, O God;
Give heed to my prayer.
2 From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
3 For You have been a refuge for me,
A tower of strength against the enemy.
4 Let me dwell in Your tent forever;
Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. Selah.
5 For You have heard my vows, O God;
You have given me the inheritance of those who fear Your name.
6 You will prolong the king's life;
His years will be as many generations.
7 He will abide before God forever;
Appoint lovingkindness and truth that they may preserve him.
8 So I will sing praise to Your name forever,
That I may pay my vows day by day.

"Thank You for listening to my prayers and cries for help. Thank You for giving me peace and leading me in Your strength. You have saved me from my sin, You deserve all my trust. I will trust in Your salvation and follow Your lead because You love me and have proved Your faithfulness over and over again."

Selah.

Psalm 56

2009-03-23T07:02:00.000-07:00

1 Be gracious to me, O God, for man tramples on me;
all day long an attacker oppresses me;
2 my enemies trample on me all day long,
for many attack me proudly.
3 When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.
4 In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me?

5 All day long they injure my cause;
all their thoughts are against me for evil.
6 They stir up strife, they lurk;
they watch my steps,
as they have waited for my life.
7 For their crime will they escape?
In wrath cast down the peoples, O God!

8 You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?
9 Then my enemies will turn back
in the day when I call.
This I know, that God is for me.
10 In God, whose word I praise,
in the LORD, whose word I praise,
11 in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?

12 I must perform my vows to you, O God;
I will render thank offerings to you.
13 For you have delivered my soul from death,
yes, my feet from falling,
that I may walk before God
in the light of life.

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you! You are worthy of my praise, You have won my trust—what can this world do to me? They want to see me fail, but You hold my in Your hands. You count my tossing and turning, You catch my tears when they fall—You have written everything of my life in your book. My enemies will all scatter when I call for help, but I know that you are with me. I trust You, what can man do to me? I trust You, because You saved me. You guide my steps to walk in your light—you have given my life. I will trust in You!"

Selah.

Psalm 46

2009-03-15T14:23:00.000-07:00

1 God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
3 Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah.

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
6 The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered;
He raised His voice, the earth melted.
7 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.

8 Come, behold the works of the LORD,
Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
9 He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariots with fire.
10 "Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
11 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.

"I will not fear because You are my strength. The earth will quake with fear and tremble with questions, it will roar with uprising and overflow with evil; but You are with your people, and we will not be moved! You have displayed your works for me to see. You have ended wars and disasters; why do I try to do so for myself? I will no longer. I will stop trying to control the chaos and the fear, because You are God and You are with me."

Selah

Psalm 37

2009-03-03T17:23:00.000-08:00

4 Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it...
23 The steps of a man are established by the LORD,
And He delights in his way.
24 When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand.

If I delight in Him, He will give... When I follow and trust Him, He will do what I cannot... He establishes my steps and walks with me. I will fall and fail, but He will not let go.
Selah

Psalm 31

2009-02-26T12:46:00.000-08:00

1 In You, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
Let me never be ashamed;
In Your righteousness deliver me.
2 Incline Your ear to me, rescue me quickly;
Be to me a rock of strength,
A stronghold to save me.
3 For You are my rock and my fortress;
For Your name's sake You will lead me and guide me.
4 You will pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me,
For You are my strength.
5 Into Your hand I commit my spirit;
You have ransomed me, O LORD, God of truth.
6 I hate those who regard vain idols,
But I trust in the LORD.
7 I will rejoice and be glad in Your lovingkindness,
Because You have seen my affliction;
You have known the troubles of my soul,
8 And You have not given me over into the hand of the enemy;
You have set my feet in a large place.
9 Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
My eye is wasted away from grief, my soul and my body also.
10 For my life is spent with sorrow
And my years with sighing;
My strength has failed because of my iniquity,
And my body has wasted away.
11 Because of all my adversaries, I have become a reproach,
Especially to my neighbors,
And an object of dread to my acquaintances;
Those who see me in the street flee from me.
12 I am forgotten as a dead man, out of mind;
I am like a broken vessel.
13 For I have heard the slander of many,
Terror is on every side;
While they took counsel together against me,
They schemed to take away my life.
14 But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD,
I say, "You are my God."
15 My times are in Your hand;
Deliver me from the hand of my enemies and from those who persecute me.
16 Make Your face to shine upon Your servant;
Save me in Your lovingkindness.
17 Let me not be put to shame, O LORD, for I call upon You;
Let the wicked be put to shame, let them be silent in Sheol.
18 Let the lying lips be mute,
Which speak arrogantly against the righteous
With pride and contempt.
19 How great is Your goodness,
Which You have stored up for those who fear You,
Which You have wrought for those who take refuge in You,
Before the sons of men!
20 You hide them in the secret place of Your presence from the conspiracies of man;
You keep them secretly in a shelter from the strife of tongues.
21 Blessed be the LORD,
For He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a besieged city.
22 As for me, I said in my alarm,
"I am cut off from before Your eyes";
Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications
When I cried to You.
23 O love the LORD, all you His godly ones!
The LORD preserves the faithful
And fully recompenses the proud doer.
24 Be strong and let your heart take courage,
All you who hope in the LORD.

"Nevertheless, You heard the voice of supplications when I cried to You."

"Even when I don't believe You hear me, You answer. Even when I have no faith in You, You are faithful. Even when I don't trust in You for all that I need, You give me more than i can imagine. You are my strength—You will always be my strength. You rescued me from my sin, and You overflow my heart with Your love."
Selah

black keys and brown eyes

2009-02-16T13:02:00.001-08:00

thanks to Gabe, i have discovered a new love in music.
Andy Davis
he's a perfect blend of jon mclaughlin and the blues with a little of matt wertz guitar. i've had some of his stuff for a while and finally listened to it and realized, wow. amazing. so i bought his most recent album "Let the Woman" and am now listening to it constantly. i will try not to kill it like i do most other music...

if i tell you about him again, inform me that i have done so already, but only if you have already at least listened... here's a link to assist you in doing so.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfCBE9vNfa8

enjoy. please.

Psalm 130

2009-02-02T07:52:00.000-08:00

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;

2 O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

3 If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?

4 But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.

5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

6 My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.

8 He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

Out of the Depth
Bob Kaughlin

Out of the depths, O Lord, I cry to You
When I am tempted to despair
Though I might fail to trust Your promises
You never fail to hear my prayer
And if You judged my sin
I’d never stand again
But I see mercy in Your hands

So more than watchmen for the morning
I will wait for You, my God
When my fears come with no warning
In Your Word I’ll put my trust
When the harvest time is over and I still see no fruit
I will wait, I will wait for You

The secret mysteries belong to You
We only know what You reveal
And all my questions that are unresolved
Don’t change the wisdom of Your will
In every trial and loss
My hope is in the cross
Where Your compassions never fail

this isn't the psalm Bob wrote the song from, but it has a few crossover points. i love this psalm.
Psalm 27

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.

3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.

4 One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.

5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.

6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.

7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.

8 My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.

9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.

10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.

11 Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.

12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.

13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

Selah...
pause and wait.

EM

Platonic...

2008-11-10T07:04:00.001-08:00

so for a class i had to read a section of Plato's Great Dialogues. in this book contains Plato's cave theory (if you don't know what i'm talking about you should look it up, it's a good thing to know about)... after he explains his theory in a hypothetic situation, he applies it to real life, and i like what he says. i know he is in no way addressing Christians or expressing Christian ideas, but put yourself as a Christian in the place of "him"...

"Well then... do you think it surprising if one leaving divine contemplations and passing to the evils of men is awkward and appears to be a great fool, while he is still blinking—not yet accustomed to the darkness around him, but compelled to struggle in law courts or elsewhere about shadows of justice, or the images which make the shadows, and to quarrel about notions of justice in those who have never seen justice itself?" (316, Great Dalogues of Plato)

do you ever feel like you're squinting to see through the darkness, or fighting for "justice" that is nowhere close to the true meaning of justice? do you ever feel like a great fool when you're trying to explain True Love to someone who only has a notion of love yet never even seen love? sometimes i feel like screaming "but none of this is real! none of this matters when you've seen the true reality! you live in darkness yet I have seen the Light! you don't even know what Light is!"
yeah... philosophers have it half right a lot of time. it's odd, but helpful. even Plato had never seen the light... this passage was talking about the nature of education and culture, not about God. but his words are powerful when you put them in the right context...

ok... enough about philosophy...

John 1:6-13

6 There came a man sent from God, whose name was John. 7 He came as a witness, to testify about the Light, so that all might believe through him. 8 He was not the Light, but he came to testify about the Light. 9 There was the true Light which, coming into the world, enlightens every man. 10 He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him. 11 He came to His own, and those who were His own did not receive Him. 12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, 13 who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.

go shine some real Light...

selah...

EM

"that's an issue you can really draw a line in the sand for"

2008-10-29T07:15:00.000-07:00

my title is the response of the man on the phone who i informed that i was not voting for Obama mostly because of his stance on Abortion. that wasn't entirely true, but it was the easiest thing to explain...

you should read this article. even if you hate John McCain, he and his running mate Sarah Palin have one thing right... unborn children have a right to live.

http://www.ontheissues.org/Social/Barack_Obama_Abortion.htm

"...perhaps we could agree on ways to reduce the number of women who felt the need to have abortions in the first place..."
this is the only statement in this article that didn't make me angry... yes. we should agree on a way to reduce the number of women who feel the need to have abortions, but we shouldn't do so by protecting their "civil liberty of choice" to abort a child even in the earliest stages of fetal development.

OBAMA'S PLAN

* Protecting a Women's Right to Choose: Obama will make safeguarding women's rights under Roe v. Wade a priority. He opposes any constitutional amendment to overturn that decision.
* Reducing Unintended Pregnancy: Obama will work to reduce unintended pregnancy by guaranteeing equity in contraceptive coverage, providing sex education, and offering rape victims accurate information about emergency contraception.

a short summary for those who don't want to read the whole article...
-voted no to ban of partial birth abortion in Illinois.
-supports use of aborted fetuses for stem cell research
-voted against giving unborn children coverage under Illinois State Children's Health Insurance Program
-does not believe that a clear definition of "life at conception" is possible
-supports public funding for contraception availability
-voted agains legislation requiring minors from states with differing abortion laws to follow the laws of the stricter state
-believes parents do not need to be notified of minor's intentions of abortion

if you vote for nothing else, vote for children... but remember, actions speak louder than the check on the ballot... if you vote for children, be ready to do something about it. be ready to support teenage mothers who choose to keep their babies, to adopt babies who would have been aborted... be ready to stand.

i am Emily Hollis and i approve this message...

“Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they ALL were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.”-Ps.139:16.

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See I have engraved you on the palms of My hands.”-Is. 49:15-16

Selah

EM

when i am weak You are very strong...

2008-09-26T11:22:00.000-07:00

When all around is fading
And nothing seems to last
When each day is filled with sorrow
Still I know with all my heart

He's got the whole world in His hands
He's got the whole world in His hands
I fear no evil, for You are with me
Strong to deliver, mighty to save
He's got the whole world in His hands

When I walk through fire
I will not be burned
When the waves come crashing round me
Still I know with all my heart

He's got the whole world in His hands
He's got the whole world in His hands
I fear no evil, for You are with me
Strong to deliver, mighty to save
He's got the whole world in His hands

sometimes more then others i get so overwhelmed with the world, and the fact that it's falling apart. it is. it always is. and it will only get worse.
But, God has it all in His hands. all the pieces of this broken world are in His hands. He is the one who will restore them. He will make the ugly things in this world shine with the beauty of His glory. He will show them His love. He will show them how to love Him. He will make Himself known in this ugly world. He will, because He holds the universe... He holds the whole universe and every individual person in it. He loves them. He loves the world He has made. He wants them to know that He loves them.

When my heart breaks over things, I must remember that He is not distant. His heart is breaking too. But His heart can do mighty things.

Psalm 42
1 As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So my soul pants for You, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God;
When shall I come and appear before God?
3 My tears have been my food day and night,
While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
4 These things I remember and I pour out my soul within me, For I used to go along with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God,
With the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.
5 Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him
For the help of His presence.
6 O my God, my soul is in despair within me;
Therefore I remember You from the land of the Jordan
And the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls;
All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me.
8 The LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime;
And His song will be with me in the night,
A prayer to the God of my life.
9 I will say to God my rock, "Why have You forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?"
10 As a shattering of my bones, my adversaries revile me,
While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
11 Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.

"Lord, help me be remember that You hold the world in your hands. You hold that little bitty baby in your hands. You hold my brothers and my sisters, You hold the universe. Thank you that i will never be plucked out of your hand. Help me show the world your love. Help me fight for what You desire. Help me to no be overwhelmed with the brokenness of this world, and remind me that You hold every little piece, and you will make something beautiful out of this mess."

selah... and listen

EM

all the... small things...

2008-08-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

so today, i walked into the student center on my first day of school. it was my first of 2 breaks and i was wanting to send a text message. i pulled out my phone expecting to have to stand up, gather my things, and walk outside to gain service. but, alas, i did not!! for before my very eyes i had 1 whole bar of service!

my joy was uncontainable and i sent the happiest text message i'd sent in a while.

....
on a more serious note... i got into the overview history class i needed and to my great advantage, the professor is the same professor i have for my first education class! i'm so excited... mostly because he's a oldish man with lots of stories and 30 years of high school history teaching experience. yippee!! i am so far loving all of the professors the history and education departments employ... (side note... stick around, that could very well change come 2:00)

Romans 8:28
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

"Thank you for opening up a spot in that class for me! And for providing me with reasons to be so excited about this school year! Thank you for blessing me when i trust!"

Selah

EM

no fair-weathered friend...

2008-08-06T11:54:00.000-07:00

"...and the praying that counts is the praying that's sincere. God does not want you for a fair-weathered friend." Anne of Green Gables

The tide rolled in not a breath in sight
And this town went down like the moon at night
These poor rooftops only go so high
The volume of our bodies is causing the waters to rise

Why do we cry out only when things go wrong?
How would you feel if I only sang sad songs?

The gavel slams the verdict is in
And the jury find you guilty for the things that you've done
You're scared for your life, so you turn to the Man
The Man that holds your life in the palm of His hands.
And your heart starts racing like a bullet from the gun
And you can feel it in your chest, it's affecting your lungs
This breath that you're taking's getting harder to take
Why did it take so long to wake up?

Why do we cry out only when things go wrong?
How would you feel if I only sang sad songs?

Until now
You have been facing
Everything on your own
Up till tonight

Wake up and remember
Where you came from
To get through tonight

Why do we cry out only when things go wrong?
How would you feel if I only sang sad songs?

Until now
You have been facing
Everything on your own
Up till tonight

Wake up and remember
Where you came from
To get through tonight

i love Anne... and Between the Trees... today they crossed paths in a peculiar way... well. in my mind at least.

selah

He's always been faithful to me...

2008-07-10T20:37:00.000-07:00

and i trust He always will be...

You are the author of knowledge
You can redeem what's been done
You hold the present and all that's to come
Until your everlasting kingdom

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

You are the God of tomorrow
Turning the darkness to dawn
Lifting the hopeless with hope to go on
You are the rock of all salvation

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

Oh, Lord, you are the author
Redeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present
And all that is to come

Lord, we don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead us to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

that's the newsboys... and it's awesome.

"Oh Lord you are my author. You have a story written that i will discover piece by piece. You have redeemed all the sin that has ever been done. You are holding me right now, and always will. I can never be snatched away. I don't know where to go from here, when, how, or why, or what is going to happen. But -You- do. Give me peace in that. The Author knows what is written on that next page, so i need not worry! Thank you for holding me, for carrying me. Thank you for the wonderful things you have written... thank you for Your promise to show them to me!"

selah...

EM

for the moments i feel faint...

2008-06-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear

I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands, place them in your hands, place them in your hands...
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

why do i always underestimate my Jesus...
He will be strong, He will be strong...

even when i am not, because i never will be...

selah...
EM

fighter verses...

2008-06-16T20:14:00.000-07:00

Psalm 27:1-3
The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life, who shall I dread?
When evildoers came to devour my flesh, my adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell.
Though a host encamp against me, my heart shall not fear. Though a war rise up against me, in spite of this I shall be confident.

part 1... i memorized it. Hopefully i'll have all 14 verses memorized in the next couple of weeks. the whole thing before July? totally doable...

hmmm.....
selah

EM

i should have come running a lot sooner...

2008-06-10T13:34:00.001-07:00

Hungry, I come to you
For I know You satisfy
I am empty, but I know
Your love does not run dry

So I wait for you
So I wait for You
I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for

Broken, I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary, but I know
Your touch restores my life

So I wait for you
So I wait for You
I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
i've been waiting to run.
waiting well isn't standing still.
waiting well is waiting for God to do the big things while you learn how to do the little things.
like reading and praying... and learning what trust is.
and running every day to the foot of the cross, depositing everything the night has placed in my mind, and picking up the new mercy he promises.

"Satisfy me with your grace. Give me the mercy I need. Don't let me try hard and fail. Teach me to run steady on next to you... Teach me to trust Your heart and disregard mine."

selah...

EM

NA 08 cont...

2008-06-05T22:36:00.000-07:00

maybe i shouldn't skip this song next time i listen to this CD... because i need to hear it. i need to be reminded that neither death nor life can separate me from the love of God... somehow i can put "Christ died for my sins" and "God loves me" together... John 3:16 says they go together, but i don't always believe it or even see it...

thanks mr. wertz...

I will not take my love away
When praises cease and seasons change
While the whole world turns the other way
I will not take my love away

I will not leave you all alone
When striving leads you far from home
And there's no yield for what you've sown
I will not leave you all alone

I will give you what you need
In plenty or in poverty
Forever, always, look to me
And I will give you what you need
I will not take my love away

hmmm... selah

EM

NA 08

2008-06-04T15:13:00.000-07:00

Talk to yourself.
Have God's word ready to talk to yourself and others.
God loves you.

Those are three little bits that i would like to apply to my life. Well, really 2. "God loves me!" is a concept. It's something to inform your whole life, not something to apply like the other two.... so here i go.

Talk to yourself, don't listen to yourself. I was so happy when C.J. informed me that i was not the only person who constantly talks to herself... apparently everyone talks to themselves, and everyone listens to themselves even more. But listening is bad... John Piper helped us to further understand the art of talking to ourselves when he pleaded with us to memorize scripture so we could fight with it... to fight temptations such as doubt, fear, anxiety, uselessness, quitting, greed, bitterness... Piper and C.J. reminded us that it is the word of God that informs our joy, and when we listen to ourselves we find our soul troubled and overwhelmed by impossible odds... but the word of God informs us with the truth we need to employ the power of the Spirit in our lives.
basically... listen to yourself, and your soul will be troubled. talk to yourselves with the word of God and you will find your joy.

now... for the message that overwhelmed me...
God loves you. You are adopted. You are a child of God. God loves his children.
God loves me.
All throughout C.J.'s message i just kept singing "Jesus loves me this I know/ For the Bible tells me so." and i got why C.J. gave us this message... because God loves us. and we only know when we read the word of God.

I don't even have words to to describe how this effected me, because i don't know. C.J. said at the beginning of the message that this message was for those of us who were more aware of our sin that of the love of God. i felt like jumping up and down and saying... THAT'S ME!!! right here... i have issues. I know He loves me and sent His son to die for me... but He loves me because He has to... doesn't He?
No... He loves me because He is a loving God. I only love Him, and others, because i am created in His image... i am created to love...
i may sound like a hippie, but it is still true.

.... i shall post more later....

selah

EM

when life is like a wild cat...

2008-05-18T14:39:00.001-07:00

throw your hands up. [and make sure your eyes follow]

You have ordained every breath we take
In pleasure or pain, there is no mistake
Gladness and grief, both are in Your hand
And sufferings brief carry out Your plan
And our fleeting sorrows will yield an endless prize
When some bright tomorrow we’ll see You with our eyes,

Grace upon grace flows down, flows down
Grace upon grace flows down, flows down
Through the precious blood of Christ.

Father of lights, Giver of all grace
Your mercies crown our lives all our days.
River of Life, quench our thirsty souls
For no true delight does Your love withhold.
And in every season we are satisfied
For just one reason Christ was crucified,

Grace upon grace flows down, flows down
Grace upon grace flows down, flows down
Through the precious blood of Christ.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "9 And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

You have grace for this.
You have grace for my redemption.
You have grace for my forgiveness.
You have grace for my adoption.
You have grace for all my sins.
You have grace for every fear.
You have grace for every joy.
You have grace for every blessing.
You have grace for every trial.
You have grace for every decision.
You have grace for every decision poorly made.
You have grace that will finish the good work in me that You started.
You have grace to bless me.

and You give it to me if only I ask...
so, i ask... and i will wait for you...

Help me Lord, I can't see
What You have in store for me
Even though all seems dark
Help me, Lord, to trust your heart

I am tired, I am weak
Are You listening to me?
You seem so far, far from here
Now I need You to be near

I throw myself into Your arms
Resting in tenderness and love
You are the Lord, and I bow to You
Lord I will always follow You

Hold me close, Holy One
Let Your loving comfort come
Help me pray, by Your Son
Not my will but Yours be done

I throw myself into Your arms
Resting in tenderness and love
You are the Lord, and I bow to You
Lord I will always follow You
************************************************
i'm falling on my knees, offering all of me, Jesus, be all this heart is living for!

selah [a pause]

EM

2008-04-27T13:09:00.001-07:00

My soul finds rest in God alone
My Rock and my Salvation
A fortress strong against my Foes
And I will not be shaken
Though lips may bless and lives may curse
And lies like arrows pierce me
I'll fix my heart on righteousness
I look to Him who hears me

Oh praise Him
Hallelujah, my delight and my reward
Everlasting, never failing
My redeemer, my God

Find rest my soul in God alone
Amid the world's temptations
When evil seeks to take a hold
I'll cling to my salvation
Though riches come and riches go
Don't set your heart upon them
The fields of hope in which I sow
Are harvested in heaven

I'll set my gaze on God alone
And trust in Him completely
With evry day pour out my soul
And He will prove His mercy
though life is but a fleeting breath
A sight to brief to measure
My King has crushed the curse of death
And I am His forever

Oh praise Him, Oh praise Him
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Oh praise Him, Oh praise Him
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Though i may fail, You will not. You are my God and you will not be shaken. You have crushed even death, so no evil will ever crush me.
You are God and i am not. thank you that You are God.
Help me to set my gaze on you alone, and trust in you completely!

selah...

EM

2008-04-17T08:01:00.000-07:00

Oh Lord, you know me so well
Know my words before I speak
Could you love me right now
You know I am so in need

All things crash around me
As I try to make my way
Would you listen right now
As I fall to my knees and pray

'Cause I've been confused
And you've stayed the same
The things that I'm lacking
Have cause me to say
Just look at me now, I'm tired, it's true
All that I'm wanting is to lay here with you

And off in the distance
Mountains begin to appear
Smaller still my worries seem
When I'm resting up here

'Cause you're never confused
And you've stayed the same
The things that I'm lacking
Have caused you to stay
Just look at me now, as I take the lead
'Cause all that I want is you to lay with me
In green pastures
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Come You Saints, Lift Up Your Heads
To Find The Hand Of Grace
Has Carried You From Satan’s Grasp
And Brought You To This Place
Where All Designs Of Flesh Will Fail
And Still His Grace Remains
For Purposing His Own Good Will
The Lord Has Come To Save

.....

He has come to save. To meet me and to save.

selah...

EM

go therefore... and forgive others

2008-04-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

"Forgiven"

Oh yes, I know this tension that you speak of
We're in the palm of a hand making a fist
It'd be best for one of us to speak up
But we prefer to pretend it does not exist

And you can't see past the blood on my hands
To see that you've been aptly damned
To fail and fail again

Cause we're all guilty of the same things
We think the thoughts whether or not we see them through
And I know that I have been forgiven
And I just hope you can forgive me too

So don't you dare blame me for
Prying open the door
That's unleashed the bitterness
That's here in the midst of this
Sometimes we live for no one but ourselves

And what we've been striving for
Has turned into nothing more
Than bodies limp on the floor
Victims of falling short
We kiss goodbye the cheek of our true love

And you can't see past the blood on my hands
To see that you've been aptly damned
To fail and fail again

Cause we're all guilty of the same things
We think the thoughts whether or not we see them through
And I know that I have been forgiven
And I just hope you can forgive me too
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

what good is forgiveness if we don't give it away....
like evangelism is showing the grace of God to a hurting world, loving others is giving them the forgiveness that He has given is.
He forgave us and set us free to glorify His name. How can we do that when we are preoccupied by the sins of others?
We can't.
like another RK song says.... "give give give until there's nothing left"... then we run to Jesus and say... ok, i need some more! i need more grace to give away!

"Lord, let me give away forgiveness and love as freely as i do my opinion. Let my desire to show grace and compassion be greater than my desire to air my own opinions. Let grace inform my every word and compassion my every thought."

selah...
EM

still more grace... yes, even still

2008-03-31T19:41:00.000-07:00

Come You Saints, Lift Up Your Heads
To Find The Hand Of Grace
Has Carried You From Satan’s Grasp
And Brought You To This Place
Where All Designs Of Flesh Will Fail
And Still His Grace Remains
For Purposing His Own Good Will
The Lord Has Come To Save

Come You Saints To Hear The Voice
That Sings From Calvary
The Song That Drew Our Wayward Hearts
And Brought Us To Believe
It’s Grace, The Glorious Savior’s Song
He Paid So Dear To Sing
The Words He Cries “Forgive, Forgive”
Hold Power To Redeem

When The Days Of Toil End
And Comes Our Glorious King
All Sin Removed, Our Eyes Behold
The Lamb In Majesty
Then Great Will Be Their Christian Song
The Loudest There Will Be
An Endless Praise In Sweet Refrain
Of God’s Redeeming Grace

Overwhelming, Overwhelming Grace
Overwhelming, Overwhelming Grace

James 4:5-6
5 Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: "He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us"? 6 But He gives a greater grace Therefore it says, "GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE."

God jealously desires the Spirit, the spirit that He put in me. The spirit that is designed to worship Him alone.
He gives me greater grace when I humble myself and ask for it. When i humble myself and glorify His name, when i humble myself and say "Not my will but Yours be done!" He gives me more grace. He always gives me more grace. Whether it's the first offense or the fifty-seventh, he gives -greater- grace!

Overwhelming Grace...

selah!

EM

when i am weak You are very strong...

2008-03-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9 And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for
you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

selah

EM

on a less serious note....

2008-03-26T09:47:00.001-07:00

this is how i feel about music class... i wish i could feel this way about life sometimes...
"Apathetic Way To Be"

Yeah, I'm not angry
And no, I'm not upset
It's taken me awhile
But this is what I've learned
Emotional attachment is really not a threat
When I'm simply not concerned

The things that I take on
I soon shrug off
'cause I know no one
Will ever be content
With the way things are
Or with what they've got
So I've given up and now I'm just indifferent

You all laugh at me
Like I'm not happy
With anything, any time, anywhere
And the half of me's all about apathy
And the other half just doesn't care

I must admit;
All the words you spoke, I hated
Cause I don't see just how I can be motivated
Enough to break a sweat over a dying race
It seems our fate is something we've already embraced

Yeah, I'm not angry,
And no, I'm not upset
It's taken me awhile
But this is what I've learned
Emotional attachment is really not a threat
When I'm simply not concerned

You all laugh at me
Like I'm not happy
With anything, any time, anywhere
And the half of me's all about apathy
And the other half just doesn't care

Yeah, bein' apathetic's a pathetic way to be
(I don't care)
What matters to you does not matter to me
('cause I don't care)

So take a wild guess
It's like I just couldn't care less
If all the things you find impressive
Just blew up and made those messes
That you'll frantically repair
Like it's a life or death affair
And all the while you're unaware
For this, you really shouldn't care
But it's so hard to see the reality
That the end will be the end of things
And our hearts are all we get to bring
So let's go ahead and make them worth something

You all laugh at me
Like I'm not happy
With anything, any time, anywhere
And the half of me's all about apathy
And the other half just doesn't care

You all laugh at me
Like I'm not happy
With anything, any time, anywhere
And the half of me's all about apathy
And the other half just doesn't care

I'm well aware that everything
Is a far cry from all right
I'm well aware that all of us
Can at times, be too uptight
And possibly, the remedy
Is a dose of apathy
You point your finger at you
I'll point mine right back at me

to me this song says, emily, stop worrying. since no one else knows i'm worrying cuz i don't talk about it... so songs tell me to do things... thank you relient k for yelling at me! emily, quit trying to make your life how you want it, and worry about making your heart how He wants it... broken and contrite and an acceptable offering of praise.

selah...

EM

love keeps no record of wrongs

2008-03-20T07:15:00.000-07:00

"Getting Into You"

When I made up my mind
And my heart along with that
To live not for myself
But yet for God, somebody said
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

When I finally ironed out
All of my priorities
And asked God to remove the doubt
That makes me so unsure of these
Things I ask myself, I ask myself
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

I'm getting into you
Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into you
Because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm going to love you with my life

When he looked at me and said
I kind of view you as a son
And for a second our eyes met
And I met that with a question
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

I've been a liar and I'll never amount to
The kind of person you deserve to worship you
You say you will not dwell on what I did but rather what I do you say
I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into

He said, I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Lord, thank you for loving me so much that You sent Your Son to die for my sin! Thank you for seeing His righteousness when you look at me! Thank you for taking me just as I am, a sinner, and loving me as Your child. Thank you for loving me even though i only deserve your wrath. Thank you for making me worthy to worship You!"

*sigh of relief*

Here I am humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

selah...

EM

You must increase and i must decrease

2008-03-16T20:14:00.000-07:00

Jesus, I pray
Take all my mistakes
Throw them away
Destroy them for my sake

Jesus, I call out 'cause I'm sorry
Because I fall so short of your glory
To the best of my ability
I'm practicing humility
And I lay myself before
'Cause less is more

All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more
All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more

I pour out myself
All that I am
You love me so much
That you fill me again
And may these words on my heart, on my lips
Somehow mean so much more than this

Jesus, I pray
Know what I'm trying to say

All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
'Cause to you less is more
All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more

I pour out myself, before you were Lord
I hold nothing back, 'cause to you less is more
And may these words on my heart on my lips,
Somehow mean so much more than this

Jesus, I pray
Just know what I'm tryin' to say

Jesus, I plead
Please purify me
Make my heart clean
Drench me with your mercy
Jesus, I pray
I love you, I need you
For the rest of my days
I swear I will seek you
To the best of my ability
I'm practicing humility
And I lay myself before
'Cause less is more.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"Lord, give me the grace to daily lay my life at your feet. And Lord, don't let me try to pick it back up. Make my burdens so heavy, the can only fall at your feet. Help me to glorify Your name by throwing all that i am at Your feet!"

selah...

EM

back to defining my life...

2008-03-12T20:03:00.000-07:00

because i am always feeling faint...
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong

I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear

I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands, place them in your hands, place them in your hands

"Lord, help me to gather all my insufficiencies and place them in your hands. Help me to place all I am not in your hands; you are the I AM! Help me to have faith that you will plan my days and that I will follow your plans. Make me stop my plans, Lord, and help me find confidence for my life—moment by moment— in your love. Help me to overcome all of my many fears, especially my fear of failure, so that I can truly trust you for my success! Help me also to praise you for all of my success and glorify you always, even in my failures. Give me grace to show others, Lord, and help me to never underestimate your ability to do impossible things!"

selah...

EM

help me, Lord, to trust Your heart

2008-03-09T14:39:00.000-07:00

(i've decided that Aaron Keyes also defines my soul, so his lyrics will appear on here too...)

"Help Me Lord"
Aaron Keyes

Help me Lord, I can't see
What You have in store for me
Even though all seems dark
Help me, Lord, to trust your heart

I am tired, I am weak
Are You listening to me?
You seem so far, far from here
Now I need You to be near

I throw myself into Your arms
Resting in tenderness and love
You are the Lord, and I bow to You
Lord I will always follow You

Hold me close, Holy One
Let Your loving comfort come
Help me pray, by Your Son
Not my will but Yours be done

I throw myself into Your arms
Resting in tenderness and love
You are the Lord, and I bow to You
Lord I will always follow You

"Lord, let this song be my prayer. And let me pray it in faith!"

selah...

EM

truths from relient k

2008-03-06T08:44:00.000-08:00

so relient k is my favorite band ever...
it's not cuz i've liked them since i was in 8th grade (even though i have) or because they have some very witty songs and sayings (even though they do).
i love relient k because even in the midst of a cd full of silly songs about horses and the 80's and charles in charge, they slap you in the face with a song that defines your soul. or a song that makes you realize how faithless you are. or a song that makes you see how wrong you are. or a song that simply leaves you amazed at the grace of God.

so here you go...
a song and a prayer...
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Balloon Ride

There were times in my life when I was confused.
There were things between me and God that were blocking my view.
So I prayed,
"Oh dear Lord, take these things away so I can see."
He answered my prayer and at the sight of Him
I fell to my knees.

And until I went onto that fateful trip.
I thought I was on a sinking ship.

Until,
I went on a balloon ride
(I could see everything from up there).
I went on a balloon ride
And now everything seems clear.

I strive towards infinity.
Though sometimes I don't know what to do.
When other people laugh at me
All I do is look towards You.

Well on my through this life yet something was gone.
I looked round and round and then I found I needed some one.
So I prayed,
"Oh dear Lord, fill me up and make me whole.
Present in my life Jesus Christ, save my soul."

"Lord, help me to see my life from your view! help me to live for the big picture, and not just for myself! help me to take away the things that are bigger than you and make You and Your glorious plan the only thing i can see!"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
i will do another song another day... this one is today's song.
tomorrow's song will be even better...

selah

EM

dave barnes

2008-02-28T06:40:00.000-08:00

so i got an e-mail thanking me for posting about dave barnes back in november... i get some free stuff for it...
and here are some links about dave.... to order music and other cool stuff
2 CD's + DVD - http://www.musicspace.com/referral.asp?tracking_id=dbblog&type=P&product=MS2933&partner_id=dbblog

2 CD's + DVD + T-shirt - http://www.musicspace.com/referral.asp?tracking_id=dbblogtee&type=P&product=MS2934&partner_id=dbblogtee

Check out more news and info at the brand-new website www.davebarnes.com.

you should check him out... he's wonderful!

i'll post something real soon...

EM

redefining faith

2008-02-19T20:32:00.000-08:00

Romans 4:20-21
20 yet, with respect to the promise of God, [Abraham] did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, 21 and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform. 22 Therefore IT WAS ALSO CREDITED TO HIM AS RIGHTEOUSNESS.

an existing definition of faith: believing in something that is unseen

a new definition of faith: being unwaivering in one's belief that God will fulfill His promises— that He will perform with glory all that He has promised and more.

and this definition of faith is what gives us our righteousness...
believing in something unseen is just the beginning— it's believing there is a God, but that isn't what saves us.
believing that God has fulfilled and will continue to fulfill all that He has promised— our redemption, justification, salvation, sanctification, glorification, and every blessing in the "more than we could ever ask or think" category— is what saves us.
saving faith is gift, it's just after grace...
Ephesians 2:8-9
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is a gift of God, not of works, so no man can boast.

i don't see the wind, but i know it's there.
saving faith in God is much more than believing it's there... it's trusting in His plan and His promises.

so have faith...
to do something.
to not do something.
to move on.
to wait.
to stop.
to start.

but have faith that He will always keep His promises— all of His promises!

selah!

EM

two roads diverged in a yellow wood

2008-02-18T07:22:00.000-08:00

"I went astray from the straight road and woke to find myself along in a dark wood... Death could scarce be more bitter than that place! But since it came to good, I will recount all that I found revealed there by God's grace." (Dante's Inferno, 2-3, 7-9)

while i don't think, in any respect, that Dante's Inferno is going to be a theologically sound description of salvation, sanctification, and glorification, Dante said something wonderful...
straying from the straight and narrow road, the one less traveled, leads into the dark wood... only the dark wood doesn't look as dark as Dante portrays it... in reality, the road to hell is a dark road leading only to darkness, but it's like the Matrix— it looks like something really great, and pleasing, but it's not.
but also like what Dante says, "all that I found revealed there by God's grace," is a glorious freedom out of the matrix of sin— out of deception into the light.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I once was fatherless,
a stranger with no hope;
Your kindness wakened me,
Awakened me, from my sleep

Your love it beckons deeply,
a call to come and die.
By grace now I will come
And take this life, take your life.

Sin has lost it's power,
death has lost it's sting.
From the grave you've risen
VICTORIOUSLY!

Into marvelous light I'm running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross you are the truth,
You are the life, you are the way

My dead heart now is beating,
My deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs.
Now I'm free. now I'm free!

"Thank you for waking me from my sleep, and for taking me off the way of destruction. Thank you for showing me the truth about my sin and the glories of Your grace. Thank you for rescuing me Lord, and for setting me free."

selah

EM

tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it

2008-02-13T18:30:00.001-08:00

It's not that unusual when everything is beautiful
It's just another ordinary miracle today

The sky knows when its time to snow
You don't need to teach a seed to grow
It's just another ordinary miracle today

Life is like a gift they say
Wrapped up for you everyday
Open up and find a way
To give some of your own

Isn't it remarkable'
Like every time a raindrop falls
It's just another ordinary miracle today

Birds in winter have their fling
And always make it home by spring
It's just another ordinary miracle today

When you wake up everyday
Please don't throw your dreams away
Hold them close to your heart
Cause we are all a part
Of the ordinary miracle

Ordinary miracle
Do you want to see a miracle'

Its seems so exceptional
Things just work out after all
It's just another ordinary miracle today

The sun comes up and shines so bright
It disappears again at night
It's just another ordinary miracle today

It's just another ordinary miracle today

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
tomorrow is Valentine's Day...
some people call it SAD... single's awareness day
but it's not.

it's just a day, just another ordinary day. but it's one where the common, misinterpreted representation of love is expressed...

love is a miracle. real love is a miracle... because it's the grace of God. it's selfless. it's powerful. it's vulnerable. it's scary. it's tangible.

but it's not pink and red.
maybe it's roses.
maybe it's x's and o's.
maybe it's a night out.
it all depends on your love language...
but it's not February 14th

it's a verb... an action/being verb. meaning it's something you -do-, but always.

tomorrow is a miracle. just like every day.
love is a miracle. just an ordinary miracle.
but it's a job. a hard one. and one that we are called to do every day.

"Life is like a gift they say
Wrapped up for you everyday
Open up and find a way
To give some of your own"

give some of your life away. that's what love is about.
Saint Valentine (and actually there are many of them) is a martyr.
so Valentine's day is about sacrifice.

love is a sacrifice. but love is grace.

Galatians 5:1,13-15
1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. 14 The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." 15 If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

1 Corinthians 13:1-8
1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.

today was "To Write Love On Her Arms" day... if you had forgotten that, or didn't even plan on doing it, i challenge you to do it tomorrow. only don't write it on your arms, write it on your life.

selah

EM

grace means not getting what you've earned

2008-02-09T16:44:00.000-08:00

If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all i’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for
and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want

i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you

so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood

i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you

because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Luke 15:32
32'But we had to celebrate and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, and was lost and has been found.'"

when derek webb released the album that this song was on, lots of christian music stores would carry it because of this song, which talks about whores and bastard children, and another in which he calls himself a "damned mess."
but derek kept these words in, because they are biblical.
this song speaks of how we commit adultery every day— every day that we decide that something else is more important than God and deserves more of our love, we deny God His rightful place as #1.
this song is amazing to me... "i am a whore i do confess, but i put you on just like a wedding dress, and i run down the aisle..." and you don't send me back. even though we have rejected God, He still loves us— we have committed adultery against the most High and He has forgiven us, with no strings attached. he doesn't make us prove our worth before He will accept us, He makes us worthy. We sinned against Him, and yet He is the only way to forgiveness.

even more amazing... even when we are saved, washed clean by the blood of Christ, we still sin. we hold onto the things of this world, we love things more than Him, we have our many idols, and we think we are better than we really are... but He still loves us. even when we take cheap things of this world over the riches of His grace, He keeps pouring it out.

and when we finally realize how faithless and sinful we are, and we are all broken and dirty, He gives us clothes of white and rings of gold, and says "My love, you are forgiven. And you are blessed."

"Lord, keep me on my knees, and not on my feet. Keep me running down the aisle to You, and not running around with the things of this world. Thank you for Your life, that You gave so i could come home. Forgive me for being fascinated with the cheap souvenirs of this world, and show me the awesomeness of Your love— Your love of a jealous kind, and the amazing gift of Your grace. Make me more and more amazed by the blessing of Your grace!"

selah

EM
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Reach out to me
Make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for You
For You

And I know You know
You touched my life
When You touched my heavy heart and made it light
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

oh brother, where art thou?

2008-02-07T23:29:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 18:24
A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

anne of green gables is my favorite movie ever... it's a story of someone who truly understands the place of friends and how to keep her "bosom friend" close even when everything around her is pulling people away.

i hate change.
i hate new people.
i hate losing old ones.
i hate that i say hate, when i should be saying afraid of.

i have somehow become content with not having my bosom friend(s)... with not being able to find my kindred spirit(s)... no doubt, they do exist. but, unlike high school, real life pulls you apart, and forces you to change, and stretch the bonds of friendship.

there is One who never changes.
He is always there.

"Like David in the psalms, make me. When i am weak and weary, let me cry to you, O Lord; let me accept Your gift of eternal best friendship! Let me remember that You are all that i need when i am surrounded and by myself. You fill me when i am empty, and You lift me up onto high places, when others could only prop up my injured feet. You bless me of tangible reminders of your love, like those i have as my friends; but You, and You alone, are there to hear the desires and the fears of my heart. You alone make me soar on wings like eagle's and encourage my heart when i am in the deapths of dispair... to You alone i can run whenever i fear!"

to you who are my kindred spirits...
you have blessed my life, more than you'll ever know. you have been more than a friend to me... you help me fight off my enemies, even if sometimes you bring them with you to my door. you test me, allow me to fail, and help me figure out how to do better, even when you don't even realize it.
and you force me to trust my Best Friend, and intentionally and unintentionally remind me of his sovereignty and grace.

selah

EM

and the verdict is...

2008-02-06T20:23:00.000-08:00

so... i can't bring myself to delete my xanga (i think it's just one of those wonderful high school things i just can't seem to let go of...) so i have decided the best way to keep it and not waste it or my lovely new blog...

xanga is for my sunday message re-caps... so i don't forget what i was supposed to remember. and maybe for random outbursts of favorite songs or "literature" that i need to... er... explress.

mi blog es por... oh wait, you all speak english... my blog is for random epiphanies of knowledge, great achivements/moments from my mundane life, and doctrines i grasp (or grasp at) through my quiet times... and so i can comment on everyone else's since you all know i love doing such...

i have a feeling, though, that song lyrics and page breaks (of some sort) will not disappear from either sites... to reassure any of you who might have been wondering *since i'm so sure you were*

ok...
now i should go study for my test... and sleep. both wonderful things indeed...

EM

grace in the valley

2008-02-03T11:17:00.000-08:00

2 Corinthains 12:5-10
5 About this person I will boast, but about myself I will not boast, except about my weaknesses. 6 Although if I should wish to boast, I would not be foolish, for I would be telling the truth. But I refrain, so that no one may think more of me than what he sees in me or hears from me 7 because of the abundance of the revelations. Therefore, that I might not become too elated, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated. 8 Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, 9 but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. 10 Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

His grace is sufficient... even for my weakness. that one thing that i cannot get rid of... that sin that i will battle for my entire life.
people have those. they're usually personality traits that we display sinfully. like, if you have a tendency to be a good leader, good at planning, and always seeing the positive outcome, even before you begin... you probably have a problem being trusting and patient.
i do.
if i -can- do it myself... why not? i'll do it better anyways, right? well, maybe when it comes to making my bed the right way, but in every important thing in my life, my planning is insufficient and my trust is in my own, inadequate, misrepresented self.

but His grace, HIS grace is sufficient. He is sufficient beyond my own human constraints. even though, for the rest of my life, i will have to choose every day to trust in Him, He has more than enough grace to help me do that.
and for every day i try to do it on my own, He has more than enough grace (and patience) to show me my inadequacies and the superiority of His abundant grace.

When You lead me to the valley of vision
I can see You in the heights
And though my humbling wouldn’t be my decision
It’s here Your glory shines so bright
So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown
To be low is to be high
That the valley’s where You make me more like Christ

Let me find Your grace in the valley
Let me find Your life in my death
Let me find Your joy in my sorrow
Your wealth in my need
That You’re near with every breath
In the valley

In the daytime there are stars in the heavens
But they only shine at night
And the deeper that I go into darkness
The more I see their radiant light
So let me learn that my losses are my gain
To be broken is to heal
That the valley’s where Your power is revealed

in the valley of my weakness, Your great power is revealed.

selah

EM

hey unfaithful i will teach you...

2008-01-30T20:44:00.000-08:00

Romans 3:3-4
3 What then? If some did not believe, their unbelief will not nullify the faithfulness of God, will it?
4 May it never be! Rather, let God be found true, though every man be found a liar, as it is written,"THAT YOU MAY BE JUSTIFIED IN YOUR WORDS, AND PREVAIL WHEN YOU ARE JUDGED."

"Lord, thank you that my faithlessness does not take Your faithfulness away from me! Thank you that no matter how unkind, faithless, graceless, or hateful i become, You will never ease to be kind, faithful, gracious, and loving to me. Thank you that Your blood speaks a better word than anything i could say for myself—thank you for Your constestency when i am hypocritical and inconsistent. Thank you for Your undeserved love and favor on my life! Thank you for saving me—I am a debtor to Your mercy alone!"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger, to be stronger
Hey ungraceful I will teach you
To forgive one another

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger, to be stronger
Hey unloving
I will love you

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Thank you for saving me, what can I say?
You are my everything, I will sing your praise.
You shed your blood for me, what can I say?
You took my sin and shame,
a sinner called by name.

Great is the Lord,
Great is the Lord,
For we know your truth has set us free,
You've set your hope in me.

Mercy and grace are mine, forgiven is my sin,
Jesus my only hope, the Saviour of the world.
"Great is the Lord" we cry,
God let your kingdom come,
Your word has let me see,
thank you for saving me!

selah
EM

germ-x or submerged in the fountain?

2008-01-24T19:41:00.000-08:00

when you think of Jesus's blood washing you clean, which picture floods your mind?
Him pouring germ-x on your filthy hands and saying "Ok, now you won't get sick"? Or Him pouring out a fountain of water and gently scrubbing them and saying "Look, no sign of filth anywhere. You, are spotless."?
God is a God of fountains, not of germ-x.
He doesn't conserve water, or in this case, grace. He has an unlimited supply and gives it abundantly to all.

now some songs from my new favorite, Aaron Keyes...

"Not What My Hands"

Not what my hands have done
Can save my guilty soul.
Not what my toiling flesh has borne
Can make my spirit whole.
Not what I feel or do
Can give me peace with God.
Not all my prayers and sighs and tears
Can bear my awful load.

These guilty hands are raised;
Filthy rags are all I bring.
And I have come to hide beneath Your wings.
These holy hands are raised,
Washed in the fountain of Your grace,
And now I wear your righteousness

Thy work alone O Christ
Can ease this weight of sin.
Thy blood alone O Lamb of God
Can give me peace within.
Thy love to me O God,
Not mine O Lord to thee,
Can rid me of this dark unrest.
And set my spirit free.

Thy grace alone O God
To me can pardon speak.
Thy power alone O Lamb of God
Can this sore bondage break.
No other work save Thine,
No other blood will do.
No strength save that which is divine
Can bear me safely through.

I praise the God of grace;
I trust His truth and might.
He calls me His, I call Him mine--
My God, my joy, my light.
'Tis He who saveth me
And freely pardon gives.
I love because He first loved me;
I live because He lives.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

“Not Guilty Anymore”

It doesn’t matter what you’ve done,
Doesn’t matter what you’re coming from,
It doesn’t matter where you’ve been.
Hear me tell you, I forgive.

You’re not guilty anymore.
You’re not filthy anymore.
I love you, mercy is yours.
You’re not broken anymore,
You’re not captive anymore.
I love you, mercy is yours.

Can you believe that this is true.
Grace abundant I am giving you.
It’s cleansing deeper than you know.
All was paid for long ago.

There is now therefore no condemnation
For those who are in Jesus.
You’re not guilty anymore.
You’re not filthy anymore.
I love you, mercy is yours.
You’re not broken anymore,
You’re not captive anymore.
I love you, mercy is yours.

You are spotless.
You are holy.
You are faultless.
You are whole.
You are righteous.
You are blameless.
You are pardoned.
You are MINE!

You’re not guilty anymore.
You’re not filthy anymore.
I love you, mercy is yours.
You’re not broken anymore.
You’re not captive any more.
I love you, mercy is yours.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

We are flooded with grace, love, and blessings... all because He first loved us, not because we first loved Him—all because He shed his blood, so we would not have to.

selah

EM

he who lives to be my king once died to be my savior

2008-01-16T20:11:00.000-08:00

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
we live in Him who died for us.
we live because of Him who died for us.
we live for Him who died for us.
we live for Him who lives for us.

we live because He died.
we live because He lives.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

i love posting things that some one else has written... most of the time because they have said it much better than i ever could.

Romans 5:16-18
16 The gift is not like that which came through the one who sinned; for on the one hand the judgment arose from one transgression resulting in condemnation, but on the other hand the free gift arose from many transgressions resulting in justification.

17 For if by the transgression of the one, death reigned through the one, much more those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.

18 So then as through one transgression there resulted condemnation to all men, even so through one act of righteousness there resulted justification of life to all men.

selah

EM

reflection...

2007-12-26T21:14:00.000-08:00

With this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know
How much You've touched my life because
Here is where You're finding me
In the exact same place as New Year's Eve
And from the lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I wanna be

And the first time that You opened Your eyes
Did you realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did you know that it would change this world forever
And the first time that You opened your eyes
Did you realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And so this Christmas I'll compare
The things I've felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here

To look back
And think that
This baby would one day save me
And the hope that
That You give
That You were born so I might really live
To look back
And think that
This baby would one day save me…

And the first time that You opened Your eyes
Did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever
And the first time that You opened Your eyes
Did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And I
I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day
Pray for You to save my life
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

the last four lines of that song say what Christmas is.
He was born to die so we could one day pray that He would rescue us from His wrath.
he was born so we could be saved from God, by God, for God.

Philippians 2:5-11
5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

EM

Cast upon my Savior's cross are all my sins...

2007-11-30T09:14:00.000-08:00

Our God is working for the good,
Of those who love His name,
Of those whom He has called,
And we, the ones that He foreknew,
Will surely be conformed,
Into the likeness of His Son,

And He who did not spare His Son,
But gave Him up for us,
Will give us all we need,
For who can separate us from,
The love that is in Christ,
Jesus our lord!

~WCR~

(i kinda got used to using pagebreaks on xanga, so sorry if my posts don't always flow so well)

Our God is working for our good...
that will never cease to both confuse me and amaze me.
I will not get hung up on the confusion, but i will focus on the amazingness of grace that is His plan for my life... that thing i'll always try to find but will only see one step at a time.

Psalm 119:105- "Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."
Your word keeps me focused on the goal, but gives me the grace i need for one step at a time.

Selah

EM

wetz, barnes, dixon, and gravel

2007-11-12T08:10:00.000-08:00

Friday night I had my first Matt Wertz/Dave Barnes concert experience... and it was wonderful!! Gabe Dixon band was there too and he (Gabe Dixon himself) was amazing on on piano! I encourage all to check him out... you will be wowed...

after leaving the concert at midnight, my dad drove me and some others to meet the rest of the singles group in Jackson Ga for our camping trip. After a McDonalds stop, being scared to death by a hooded man, trying to go in the wrong gate, and almost dying with laughter, we arrived at the campsited at 1:30 and went to bed. There was some excitement outside of my tent until about 2:45... girls get very giddy and boys think it is quite funny to pester them... so we slept from about 3-7:30, woke up, ate pancakes, cut down a tree (which turned out to be a bad and anti-climactic idea), played games, ate lunch, most people left, and then we went hiking. Our 'hiking' was more like walking along a trail, but it was fun.
then, we drove home at around 2... the group i drove to the trip with was camping for a whopping 13 hours.... we need to do this again in the spring!!

i wish i had a camera to put up pictures... but they're are some on various facebooks if you are really interested... and my sister may post a Matt Wertz video later (www.countedworthy.blogspot.com).

here's the best Dave Barnes song ever.... it's a good wedding song is it not?
There's nothing fancy bout the way I love you,
There's nothing you could not find in any other man.
There's nothing fancy bout the way I love you,
But I love you as hard as I can.

There's no good reason for the way you love me,
But you're my walking dream come true.
There's no good reason for the way you love me,
But I thank God that you do.

I don't know the perfect conversation,
I don't know the way to turn a head,
I don't know the perfect way to prove my love,
But I know I'll love you till I'm dead.

There's nothing fancy bout the way I love you,
It's as simple as the stars in the sky, and the blue in the sea.
There's nothing fancy bout the way I love you,
But it sure is fancy how you love me.

now i'm gack to normal life- school, work, church, etc... and i like it. except for the lack of sleep part....
next week, wednesday-friday, is totally THANKSGIVING BREAK!!
i am way excited...
turkey+no school=gloryious.

wonderful.
now i must focus on persevering through this week and the first half of next week.

the best thing that could be happening...

2007-11-05T08:07:00.000-08:00

so last night i went to the Relient K/Switchfoot concert at the Atlanta Civic Center... it was amazing!!
i got my shoes signed by Matt Theissen and Matt Hoopes!! I didn't get to get a picture, but we got some grat pictures from our seats... 4th row!!!
i'll post some more pictures tomorrow but here are some...

the fun has arrived

2007-10-15T08:48:00.000-07:00

i have now made myself a blog...
i don't erally have much to say at this point, but i'm sure that won't last too very long!

EM

My chains are gone, I am set free

"All happy families resemble one another"

a hazard to myself

and something's breaking up, i feel like giving up...

all things new

my faith is like shifting sand..

faithfulness.

Psalm 149 : 4For the LORD takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation.

clay jars

truth from wr. webster and david

run to win

Psalm 81

Psalm 71

to the One who does not allow my feet to slip...

Psalm 61

Psalm 56

Psalm 46

Psalm 37

Psalm 31

black keys and brown eyes

Psalm 130

Platonic...

"that's an issue you can really draw a line in the sand for"

when i am weak You are very strong...

all the... small things...

no fair-weathered friend...

He's always been faithful to me...

for the moments i feel faint...

fighter verses...

i should have come running a lot sooner...

NA 08 cont...

NA 08

when life is like a wild cat...

go therefore... and forgive others

still more grace... yes, even still

when i am weak You are very strong...

on a less serious note....

love keeps no record of wrongs

You must increase and i must decrease

back to defining my life...

help me, Lord, to trust Your heart

truths from relient k

dave barnes

redefining faith

two roads diverged in a yellow wood

tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it

grace means not getting what you've earned

oh brother, where art thou?

and the verdict is...

grace in the valley

hey unfaithful i will teach you...

germ-x or submerged in the fountain?

he who lives to be my king once died to be my savior

reflection...

Cast upon my Savior's cross are all my sins...

wetz, barnes, dixon, and gravel

the best thing that could be happening...

the fun has arrived

Psalm 149 : ⁴For the LORD takes pleasure in His people;
He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation.