What If's are my specialty...

My mind is a special place, to which I am often not even privy to its secrets. People ask me all the time why I chose education in school (especially after I've explained some sort of medical anomaly) and I usually don't know what to say. "Because I always wanted to be a teacher (not 100% true)", "Because I'm good at history (I forget things all the time...)," "Because it was an easier route (Only true for the first 2 years)," and "Because I was good at it (Actually, I was just good at "school")," are all common answers.

I don't know why I chose History Education in college. I was good at it, that's very true. I got excellent grades, passed my practicums with flying colors, and was even nominated for multiple awards. I qualified for every honors society on campus, all the while maintaining a part-time job (20-30 hours a week). I never got below an A on any major paper and I was well respected by peers and professors. I'm not trying to boast here, I'm just trying to show all the signs that this was what I am supposed to be doing. But when I sit and talk with all of my nursing friends, my heart longs to be helping sick people--using the knowledge of hospitals and medicine I gleaned from dinner conversations with my parents for something other than answering odd conversational questions. And when I see friends making plans to build a house, I long to know what to do with graph paper and a pencil.

Sometimes I feel like having "Education" tacked on the end of your degree makes you less credible. I know the course of American history well, but only because I am teaching it this semester. But often in political and historical debates I feel like I may as well have gone to school for Architecture, like I wanted to in middle school, because at this point in time the only factoid I can recall is that studs must be 12 inches apart in a residential building. I'm currently only teaching one history class--my other 8 classes are science, something that literally is tacked on to my certification because I passed the test!

All of this to say, sometimes I am overwhelmed with "What if?" thoughts about what I could have done in school and where that would put me today. But then I realize that no matter where I ended up throughout or after school, I would still be in the same place I am now--only seeing the step in front of me, entirely unable to view the path I am taking. And then I remember the Proverb my sister always quotes at the best times "The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." If I ever fear that I am not working or spending my time in a way that best uses my abilities, I remember that it is not my life being lived, my abilities being used, or my plans being fulfilled--they are all His. And He does with them what He needs, and He always knows best.

So, I will continue to teach History and Science, all the while reading articles about new medicines and dreaming of the day when I get to help design and build my own house. And I know that God will satisfy me with daily reminders that this is where I am to be, this is where I will learn to love Him more, and this is where I will bring Him the most glory.

Em