and something's breaking up, i feel like giving up...

Watching Gossip Girl—a show I in no way endorse but am nevertheless hooked on for at least the near future—and White Collar—a show I do endorse and am also hooked on but I'm slightly less obsessed with it because I can only watch when my husband is home—has taught me one thing-- I am tenacious. [Tenacious: not readily letting go of, giving up, or separating from an object, a position, or a principle that one holds; synonyms: firm, tight, fast clinging, strong, forceful, powerful, unshakeable, immovable] This characteristic in myself is not quite as obvious to me as it is in some of my siblings (namely the one who used to wrestle everyone until she was incapacitated with injury) but it is there in my heart and often makes my head spin.

This characteristic is why I love the main character of White Collar, Neil an ex-con who risks his freedom and often his life to find the only woman he's ever loved. This characteristic is also, however, why I hate every on Gossip Girl, because they are entirely opposite in their attempts at love. Why do I watch Gossip Girl then? Because I am also an eternal optimist. Now, in my own life I have found a few areas in which (for the ease of existence) I have begun to be more realistic and set more attainable expectations of others in my own mind. Nevertheless, it still bothers me to no end when I hear "I love you, but neither of us can change so we're doomed to an existence of being with others yet always keeping this emotional affair alive." Bleck. Gross. *Cue screams at the computer screen* I keep watching the show because my inner optimist says "No! They'll figure it out! I must rejoice with them when they do!"

How has my optimist treated me? Well, so far I'm halfway through Season 2 and I'm flying through episodes faster and faster keeping myself busy with cooking and cleaning and grading in the process so I don't throw my computer out the window at the end of one of these episodes. There are only 2 people—one couple for the time being—that seem to get the "We can make the fact that we're both from different worlds work if we actually work at it." And that's where my tenacity is at an impasse. I am so blessed to be married to a man who understand that love takes work, yet we both had to decide "Are we holding on in vain, or is this worth it?" It worked out well for us, so I would hold that love is always worth holding onto. Yes, I am talking about emotions and romance. I'm also talking about mess—about differences and fights and unkind words. Is this true?

In my opinion, love is only true if you fight for it. Yes, that sounds like something that middle schoolers post as their "About me" on Facebook, but I mean it. Do you really love someone if you are not willing to do everything in your power to hold onto them? Sure, there are times when there needs to be a break or when it might be obvious that they don't share your feelings in the least, but often times I see people with marriages and families who are broken because they lost their will to fight. Yes, even fight with each other.

Despite what most may think, relationships need resistance in order to grow stronger. My relationship with my husband has never grown without some sort of disagreement, and our biggest steps in loving each other better have come after the most uncomfortable conversations and conflicts. I prefer the word conflict because it's more descriptive—conflict: an incompatibility between two or more opinions, principles, or interests (note, people is not mentioned). A "conflict of interests" is the perfect way to define most arguments and fights—usually you both want the same thing, but for yourself, and aren't willing to give up anything to get it. And that is what I hate.

I am a selfish, independent, and sometimes hot-headed individual, and only one thing can make me stop crying out "I'm right, you're wrong, give me what I want!" That one thing is the realization that in demanding things of others, I am doing the same thing to them that I perceive they have done to me. In times when I attempt to manipulate others to get what I want, I am doing so because I fear that they will be just like me and never give into my desires. When I threaten—with my words or actions—to withhold my favor, love, affection, or support from them in order to get what I want, I do so out of fear that they will do the same and not care. I would say that the only time I am not an eternal optimist is when I am not getting what I perceive I need.

What is it, though, that I really need? It's not that I need to be happy. Even less than that, I do not even need to be comfortable, feel safe, or affirmed by anyone else. What I need most is to be securely possessed by someone who fought for me. Sure, I have a husband who did that for a long time, and still does that. But that is not enough to fulfill my needs. As much as I love him and as much as he loves me, my husband will not always choose to fight for my affections or my needs, and he will not always get or meet them. But I can still have all I need. I will let a writer more gifted than I take this one:

Romans 8:31-39

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised— who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerers through him who loved is. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

How is it that I can still have all I need? Because the One who didn't even spare His own Son has promised to give me all things. No, not comfort, but security—not happiness, but love. He will never give up, even if the rulers of air, land, sea, and the underworld are against me, He is fighting for me. And He has made me more than a conquerer—I am His child. Do you know what happens to the children of conquering nations? They inherit everything. He has conquered all, and because I am His child, so have I.

So, what does that have to do with fighting for love? How should that inform my tenacity? It should give me hope that the love God has given me on earth is one of His "all things" and is worth being fought for. Love is one of those common graces that God allows even those who despise Him to feel and possess on some level. Fighting for love is a sweet picture of the fight God put up for the hearts of man. Its beautiful, even when eternally flawed men attempt to replicate it. And it is not something to be taken lightly. The words "I love you" should be synonymous with the words "I will always fight for you." For love is a battlefield, contrary to pop culture. It is a war waged against ourselves and for the good of others. What Would Jesus Do? He'd fight us to save us. He did—so should we.

M

All for love the Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love the heavens cried
For love was crucified

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angels song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all

All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You